apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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