Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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