I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
