What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I CAN MOONWALK!
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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