I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
