so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
