and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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