i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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