this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
