That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
