I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
i've created a new STD.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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