No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
