i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
