my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
