im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
