Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
