I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
