You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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