Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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