this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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