I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
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I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
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In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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