What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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