Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
