You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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