Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
