If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize