mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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