Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
