Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
