she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
