where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You're so nebulous sometimes
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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