I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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