I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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