Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
