Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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