There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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