Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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