Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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