People in love make me want to vomit
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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