david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
