Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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