I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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