shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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