meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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