Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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