I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
