hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If that was your dad, he is hot
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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