Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Found the puke drawer
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
