were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
