I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I enjoy the company of your penis
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
