My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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