I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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