I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
