I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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