Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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