I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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