Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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