Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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