Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
