I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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