It's Friday. Sex?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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