Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.