So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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