First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
