Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
