you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
