i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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