i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
