i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
