if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
