What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
only if we run a train.
done.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
