I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
