I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
