420 ftw
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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